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Autism and Siblings

If you are the parent of an autistic child, then you have probably thought about every aspect of their care. You may, however, have neglected to think about the affect your child's autism is having on any of his or her siblings. Studies done on the siblings of autistic children shown that these children are more likely to exhibit behavioral problems, score lower in school, develop learning problems and suffer from anxiety or depressive disorders. In order to protect your children form these effects, you need to understand what your child is dealing with and learn how to help them cope.

Some of the feelings that your healthy child may experience include feelings of neglect, jealousy and worry. Many children express anger at feeling as though their parents never have time for them since they are always busy with the autistic child.

Siblings also feel jealous of the time that their parents are required to spend with the autistic child. Sometimes, these feelings of jealousy can cause your child to feel conflicted. On one hand, they long for more attention from mom and dad, but in the other hand the do not want their parents to neglect the autistic child.

Some siblings feel anxiety and worry about their autistic siblings. They worry about them dying, they worry about having to take care of them if their parents die, and they even worry about what their friends will think of their siblings.

Some children also feel overly stressed out due to an attempt to be perfect so that their parents do not have any more negative things to worry about. These children often strive to excel at school and at home. Hoping to "make-up" for what their autistic sibling cannot do. These feelings can also lead to feelings of resentment. The healthy sibling may begin to resent the autistic one because they feel that they are not allowed to experience normal setbacks.

Certain aspects can contribute to whether or not your healthy child will develop any ill feelings or behavioral disorders.

• Number and ages of all children. Studies have shown that siblings are more apt to suffer consequences from their sibling's autism if they are the only tow children in the family and if they are close in age. Having more siblings gives each child more options for someone to play with and someone to understand their feelings. Having a large age gap between siblings also cuts down on the chances for developing any problems, especially if the healthy sibling is the older one.

• The gender of each child. Studies have found that in cases where the autistic child is male and his siblings are female, the siblings are more likely to develop problems. This may be because female children are usually more empathetic and sensitive and may be more apt to internalize their feelings.

• The extent of the symptoms. Some therapists believe that it is harder for siblings of autistic children to cope than it is for siblings of a child with a more noticeable illness. Children with a blatant impairment are usually shown sympathy by strangers for their odd behavior in a public setting. Autistic children, who are harder to identify by strangers as ill, are more likely to be net with criticism and public taunting. These behaviors can cause their sibling to suffer discomfort and feelings of shame, which can cause them to feel bad or confused.

• The mood and mental status of the rest of the family. The siblings of autistic children are shown to fare better in a house that is absent of parental depression, anxiety and marital discord. If a child has to deal with any problems in the family on top of the problems associated with the autistic child, they are more likely top suffer emotional and behavioral problems.

Fortunately, there are many ways to help your child who may be suffering from any of these feelings.

• Stay positive. If a parent relates to the autistic child in a positive way, the other children usually adopt this behavior.

•Schedule one-on-one time with your other kids. It may be hard to make the time, especially if you the one responsible for the bulk of your autistic child's care, but the benefits are tremendous. Children will thrive on some alone time with mom or dad where they are the center of attention for a little while.

• Make your healthy child's activities a matter of importance. Often, parents of an autistic child are forced to stay at home or limit their outings. Do not let the care of your autistic child interfere too often with the goings on in your healthy child's life. For example, if your child is acting in a school play, make every effort to be there.

• Talk to your child. Many siblings will feel that life is unfair because their autistic sibling gets away with behavior that they are punished for and gets more attention from mom and dad. Do your best to explain the circumstances and the reasons for the rules so your healthy child. Also, reassure them often of your love.

• Get counseling for your healthy children. If you see any signs that your child is having problems coping or if you just feel that they may benefit from having someone to express their feelings to, seek out a qualified therapist. Many times your healthy child will not want to burden you with their feelings and they can benefit from having someone to discuss them with. Therapy will also help your child learn to deal with their feelings in a positive way.

While the above advice might sound bad, there is good news. Numerous studies have shown that adults who were raised with an ill sibling seem to be remarkably well adjusted. These adults show traits of empathy, greater maturity, responsibility and a keen knack for understanding others. They also exhibit positive self-images and a tendency for understanding and tolerance.

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