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Death of Grandparent

Few things in life are as scary to a child as losing a grandparent. But unfortunately, the death of a grandma or grandpa is something that most children are going to be forced to face.

Depending on the age of your child at the time of the grandparent's death, there are many different things that you can do to help your child grieve. Young children, those who are under the age of three, will probably not really understand what has happened. These children might just think that grandma is away for a while but that she is coming back. While it will be hard, especially if it is your parent that has passed away, you will need to keep explaining the fact that grandma is never coming back. To help your child understand this concept, you will try to help them understand death. Depending on your beliefs, you can describe heaven to your child or keep it simple with a lesson in dying and old age. Whatever you do no not tell your child that their grandparents went to sleep forever. This explanation will cause fear in a young child and may prevent them from sleeping or cause trouble with their sleeping habits.

For older children, those between the ages of five and eight, explaining the death of their grandparent may be a little easier. Children in this age group have a better understanding of time and of the way that life and death works. This understanding, however, will not help them cope any better with the loss of their loved one. For these kids it is best if you explain the death and then offer to talk to them to help them in any way that you can with their feelings.

Children who are older than eight years of age will have unique problems when dealing with the death of a grandparent. In their fight to be seen as big kids, or maybe even little adults, they may resist the urge to cry or to show sadness. If your older child seems to be handling the death exceptionally well, that could be cause for concern. They may be hiding or ignoring their feelings, which will make things worse when the feelings finally push to the surface.

No matter what age your children are, they will react to the death of a grandparent in many different ways. Each child has their own way of grieving and all steps should be taken to allow your child to grieve in whatever form is necessary. Below is a list of grieving styles and the steps you can take to help your child through them.

• Anger- this emotion can seem out of place in a grieving child, but in reality, it is normal for the child to feel feelings of anger at their grandparents for leaving them. Luckily, this emotion soon fizzles out.

• Fear- many children become fearful for their loved ones after experiencing a death of a grandparent. Younger children especially, may think that if their grandparent could go away then so could their parent. It is best to explain the difference to your child and try to reassure them of your health.

• Guilt- Young children may wonder if it was something that they did that caused the death. This idea may seem irrational to an adult, but children will see it as quite possible. Gently ask your child why they are feeling this way and do everything you can to reassure them that their behavior, no matter how bad they think it was, was not the cause of their grandparents death.

• Vague illnesses- after the death of a grandparent, children may begin to complain about vague and unfounded illnesses such as stomachaches and headaches. First, be sure to check with your doctor to rule out any real cause for the discomfort. Next, try to understand where the behavior is coming from. If your child is now afraid that he or she will die, or that you or another loved one will die, they may make up the illnesses in order to stay close to you. Once you discover the feelings behind the illness, you can usually come up with a plan to solve the problem. Once the problem is solved, the mysterious illnesses usually subside.

The grieving process can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, depending on the age of the child and the closeness of the grandparent/child relationship. However, if your child seems to be grieving for an extended period of time or their grieving gets worse instead of better over time, you may wish to seek help for your child. Signs that your child may need additional help include:

• Sleep problems

• Loss of appetite

• Excessive sadness or depression

• Loss of interest in their favorite activities

• Regression to baby behavior, like bed-wetting or sucking their thumb

• Refusal to attend school

• A drastic drop in grades or school performance

A therapist or counselor will be able to help your child with these feelings, but you may want to start with a visit to their pediatrician for referrals or help.



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