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Disciplining Twins

Disciplining one child is hard enough, but disciplining two children who are the same age can be impossible. That is why most parents of twins cite discipline as the most common problem they face.

Disciplining twins poses many different challenges that parents of a single child will never have to face.

• Twins often develop at different rates.

• Twins often run in opposite directions, especially if they know they are doing something wrong.

• Twin relationships offer more opportunities for confrontation.

• Twins who are not treated in exactly the same way often complain of not being treated fairly.

• Twins seem to stick up for each other when the other one is in trouble.

In order to discipline twins it is important that you separate them from each other when doling out any punishments. If one twin is in trouble, the "safe" twin could either adopt an attitude of teasing the one that is in trouble, or could choose to turn on the parent for punishing their twin and cry, scream or make the parent feel guilty.

If you choose time-outs as your main form of discipline, you will not only have to remove the misbehaving twin from the situation, you may also be required to remove the behaving twin as well. For example, if you are at the store and one twin is throwing a temper tantrum, you will be forced to remove them from the store. However, the behaving twin may feel as though he or she is being treated unfairly because they has to leave the store also since they could not be left there unattended.

This dilemma can also be present at home. If your children are playing outside and one twin misbehaves, you will most likely need to take both of them inside. The misbehaving twin may not take the time out seriously if they are in close proximity to their twin, so they will likely need to be separated. In order to do this, you will have to take both twins inside, since a small child cannot be left outside unattended.


To help solve this problem, it is best if you can get help a few days a week in order to let each child be treated separately. If that is not a possibility than perhaps you can wait to schedule these types of activities for when you have another adult around.

To discipline aggression between twins, it is very important that you do not take sides or favor one twin over the other. If at all possible it is best if you do not step in at all. Of course, if the fighting gets out of hand or becomes physical, you will need to step in, but if you can avoid it, it will be better for the twins. Twins argue in order to assert their individuality. By letting them work through their own problems, you will allow them to learn relationship skills that they will use in the future.

Parents of grown twins usually have great advice to offer. The top tips from these parents include:

• Teach sharing and trading as an important skill.

• Schedule one-on-one time with each twin. If they do not have to fight for your attention, they usually get along better.

• Buy your children the same big toys to reduce arguments, but allow for small difference in the smaller toys to promote individuality.

• Love and treat each child as an individual, even if it means that your discipline techniques may be different for each child and therefore viewed as unfair.

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