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Kids and Divorce:
When a family separates, and the parents are getting a divorce, it can be very difficult on a child. While, no matter what, it will be hard for them, there are a few things that you can do to make this time as easy as possible on the child.
• Don't fight in front of the child—this is one of the most important factors in keeping your child as happy as possible during this rough time. It will already be hard enough on the child as it is, and if they have to listen to mommy and daddy fight every time they see each other, it will only be more difficult for them to deal with.
• Don't put your child in the middle—when your child is with you, do not talk bad about the other parent. Don't ask questions about what their other parent is doing, who they are seeing, or anything else. Putting a child in the middle of the parents and their issues will only make things harder.
• Explain it to your child beforehand—if at all possible, you will want to explain to your child what will be happening before it ever happens. Instead of leaving in the heat of the argument, where the child is left wondering what happened, take your time and explain to them why one parent is moving out, when they will get to see them, and anything else that your child needs to know.
• Be only as honest as necessary—if one parent did something that the child will hold against them, don't tell them. While anger and hurt can cause many parents to want to tell their child these things out of spite, it is harming the child much more than it would harm the parent. Simply tell your child that mommy and daddy are arguing a bunch and need a break for a while. How much you tell your child will depend on many factors, including what you think your child is able to handle knowing. The most important thing is to not give your child so much information that it hurts them more than it helps them.
• Let your child see both parents—unless there was abuse involved, you should not keep your child from seeing the other parent. Just as with telling a child too much, this is more harmful to the child than it is to the other parent.
• Tell them it's not their fault—it may be obvious to you that it is not your child's fault, but it probably isn't as obvious to them. The thought may never cross your mind, because you know what caused it. Too often, though, kids will believe that something they did might have contributed to the break-up, and it is very important to tell your child that this isn't the case (even if they don't mention it, they still need to hear it).
• Spend as much time with your child as possible—right now your child will need extra attention, and both parents should give it to them. If the parents can agree on a custody situation that allows them to both spend large amounts of time with the child, this is a good thing. Your child needs as much of your undivided attention as possible right now.
• Seek counseling when necessary—if your child seems to be extremely unhappy or depressed because of the separation, you should not hesitate to take them to a family counselor. If you can't do this, you can talk to your child's school counselor and set up meetings for your child.
Divorce is a very difficult thing for a family to endure, and when the parents are in the middle of it, it is easy to overlook what your child may be going through. You do not want to do this. Instead, just think about what your child may be going through, and how their whole world has crashed down right along with yours, and they may need your assistance.
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