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Motherinlaw as Nanny

Whether you are returning to work after the birth of your baby because of necessity or enjoyment, your biggest concern is probably deciding whom to leave your baby with. While it may seem that the best and safest choice is your mother or your spouse's mother, you may want to think twice. Emotions run high when parenting discussions about childcare turn into disagreements. While your mother or mother-in-law may have done a great job raising her kids, you two may not agree on parenting styles. And while you and your spouse are perfectly capable of deciding on the best style for your child, your moms may not agree.

If you are contemplating having your mother or mother-in-law act as your nanny, there are steps that you can take to ensure the success of the endeavor.
• Talk to your spouse. Before deciding anything, you and your spouse should answer a few questions about mom. Do you think that mom can respect and accept your decisions about childcare? Do you think that mom will be willing to change any parenting techniques that she has that you both do not agree with? If the answer to those two questions is yes, then you are well on your way to a workable relationship.

• Talk to mom. No matter whose mother she is, yours or your spouse's, and discussion about childcare should involve all three of you. If it is your mom, she will be more apt to connect with and understand your views and if it is your spouse's mom, she will be more apt to agree with his or her views.

• Establish goals and guidelines for your child's care. Even though mom raised her own kids, it is not a wise idea to assume she will do things the way you want them down. Air in concerns and state clearly any solid rules that you and your spouse have.

• Praise mom. In order for her to be more open to suggestions of change, it is a good idea if you first start by praising the good aspects of her parenting. This is also a good time to bring up any techniques of hers that you admire and ask her to carry them out with your child. By starting on a positive note, mom will be more likely to accept a little criticism without getting mad.

• Explain any special techniques or new techniques to mom. Certain baby tools, such as baby slings and collapsible bottles may not have been around when she was raising babies. While she may be resistant to trying new things, or may insist that she doesn't need these new tools, her old ways worked just fine, you will still want to encourage her to use them. If they are especially important to you, you may even have to insist that she use them.

• Be flexible. While you may have many ideas on childcare that you would like to try, do not try to push all of them at once. Who knows, you may actually find that your mom's way of doing something is actually better.

If you start the arrangement out with honesty and open communication, you will have a better chance of making things work out. And the extra effort required to make this relationship will be worth it, especially for your baby who will be cared for by someone who loves them as much as you do.

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