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Shy Children

While some children have no problems going up to a total stranger and beginning a conversation, other children are much more shy. Some kids just don’t do well when it comes to talking to people they don't know. They may clam up and get nervous, and even try to hide behind you. While there are varying degrees of shyness, for the most part it will only last as long as a child doesn't know a person. Once they get to know someone, they are usually much more friendly, talkative and comfortable around them. For many kids, this shyness will also affect them if they are put on the spot, such as having to speak in front of a group of people (in front of the class, etc.).

The only real way to help your child overcome their shyness (they won't always be able to completely overcome it, but you will want to make it as manageable as possible) is to force them to face it. This doesn't mean you should create situations in which they will unnecessarily have to be uncomfortable, but that when these situations arise, you should try to prepare them as opposed to letting them avoid it. However, if your child gets so anxious and nervous when they will be put on the spot in front of people, that they are physically sick, you may need to reconsider your approach. Forcing them to face this can have a harmful effect, and instead you should talk to your child's school counselor or doctor to see what you should do because there may be a medical condition that you are unaware of.

If it is just that your child is shy and gets stagefright, you can help them face these situations a little more easily by doing the following:

• Talk to them—one of the most important things you will need to talk with your child about is to explain to them that many kids are like this. They will see other children at school who don't seem nervous when needing to talk to someone they don’t know, or who seem to be able to stand in front of the class and read a book report without any issues. You need to tell your child that they are not alone (believing this can make them feel like something is wrong with them, as if they aren’t normal, which can make it worse). Explain to them that they can't see the fear that other children have because they are focused on their own. This can also work to your benefit because you can show your child that other children see their fear only as much as your child can see theirs.
• Practice with them—give your child opportunities to practice with you. Whether it's giving an oral book report at school, or just meeting a new person, have your child practice with you. Memorization can help ease the nerves when it comes time to actually do it for real.

• Ask them what makes them so nervous—if you can figure out your child's worst fears and how it affects them, it is much easier to focus on lessening that fear. Knowing what it is that makes your child so nervous can clue you in on how to help them overcome it.

• Give them worst-case scenarios—this works especially well if your child has told you what their biggest fears are. Then you can ask them what would happen if that took place, and it will give you a chance to point out the good even in the worst situations (and you can have them try to find the good, as well). For example, if your child says that their biggest fear is that they may trip on the way up to the podium in the classroom, ask them what would happen if they really did trip on the way. Give them solutions to the problem if it were ever to occur, and point out any good that might come of it and it can help ease the fear.
• Give them relaxation techniques—this can include everything from telling your child to picture the audience in their underwear to teaching them to take slow deep breaths before the first meeting of their new teacher. If you aren't sure of any techniques that you can teach your child, you can consult with the school counselor or your child's doctor for ideas.

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