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Stepparent Discipline- Older Kids

The biggest challenge a stepparent might face with younger children concerns discipline. Most likely, when the stepparent enters the picture, major discipline issues and rules have already been settled and become habit. This does not mean, however, that the stepparent must just swallow their opinions and live with the situation. It does mean that the two parents will have to work a little harder to blend their styles. The most important thing to keep in mind when blending two styles of discipline is the child's feelings and best interest. If at all possible the child should be put first and the two adults should do most of the compromising. Below is a list of things to consider before you change the way a child is disciplined.

• Talk openly about your parenting styles. If the "real" parent does not believe in spanking but the "new" parent was raised that way and believes wholeheartedly in the concept, then trouble could ensue. Similar parenting styles will mesh more easily, while completely different styles will require extensive work, and maybe even the input of an outsider such as a therapist or counselor. The best course of action to take when tow styles are dramatically different is to try to adhere to the already defined practice pf parenting. While this may be hard for the new parent to accept, it is usually best for the child if things are changed as little as possible.

• Decide on any new rules before introducing them to your child. If the new parent suddenly decides to institute a new rule without any advance warning from the "real" parent, a child may not take it seriously, or worse, may refuse to obey it because its not what "mommy" would want. In this case, it is best to discuss any new rules before hand and agree to back each other up when enforcing them. Then, the "real" parent should sit the child down during a calm time and explain the new rule, the reason for the rule and the fact that they approve the new rule. This will help the child to be more accepting of the change.

• Be patient with the child. If a young child is given a new set of rules, it will take time for him or her to learn and remember them all. For the first few weeks or months, it is best if there is no consequences attached to breaking the new rules. If your child breaks a new rule, simply sit them down and remind them of the new rule and stress the importance of following it. You can even explain to your child that you will let it slide this time, but in the future the rules will be enforced.

• Let the 'real' parent enforce all new rules at first. A young child will be more likely to accept the new rules if the 'real' parent enforces them first. This will allow them to understand that their original parent is for the new rule and help them take it more seriously.

New rules and a new parent will take some time for your child to get used to. Be patient with your child and keep all negative discussions about the news rules and child private between you and your new spouse. It may seem hard at first to do this, but it will payoff handsomely after a short time.

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