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Stepparent Discipline- Younger Kids

Introducing your children to someone you are dating is always hard for single parents, but harder still is deciding to marry and figuring out where everyone fits in. The hardest adjustment to make might be that of discipline. If your children are over the age of five years old, getting them to mind their stepparent might be a huge battle. Since the role of disciplinarian has always belonged to you, it is a good idea to slowly integrate your new spouse's wishes in order to avoid additional conflict and power struggles.

• Avoid change in the beginning of the relationship. Until your children have had a chance to get to know your new spouse and become comfortable around him or her, do not change your style of discipline. Make it clear to your new spouse that for a while at least, you will still making and enforcing the rules. This does not mean that you can not discuss the discipline with each other, it just means that the rules should closely match the parenting style you had before and that any punishment should be handed out by you And you alone.

• Integrate changes slowly. Once your children are comfortable with your new spouse you can slowly turn some of the more simple discipline over to him or her. For example, if your children always clean their rooms on Saturday and they don't have it finished by Saturday night, your new spouse can take the responsibility of talking to them about the importance of chores and the consequences of avoiding them.

• Keep your tone light and understanding. In the beginning, both you and your new spouse will need to keep your tone comparable when handling disciplinary issues. If the stepparent raises their voice to your children and your children are used to a calm voice, they may become frightened and begin to withdraw from their new stepparent.

• Talk to your children before you change the rules. Before you hand over any discipline roles to your new spouse, sit your children down and talk to them about it. Explain to them that your new spouse is now their parent and that he or she loves them very much. And because of this love, they want to be able to interact with your children in a natural parent to child way. Then explain to your child how this relates to discipline. If you inform your children ahead of time what is expected of them, they will be less confused and more willing to follow the new rules.

If you take your time, allow your new spouse to slowly make a transition, and be patient with your children, they should soon accept the new role of their stepparent. If, however, you find that your children are constantly fighting the change, there are other steps that you should take.

• Talk to your child. Maybe your child does not like or feel comfortable with your new spouse. Keep an open mind and do not be critical. Yes, you will want your child to love their new stepparent as much as you do, but sometimes that is not the case. And forcing them to love him or her will just push them farther apart. Let your child learn to accept the new parent on his or her own terms. However, do not allow any disrespectful behavior on your child's part. They do not have to love the new parent, but they do have to be polite and respectful.

• Talk to your new spouse. Explain to him or her that your child is having a tough time making the adjustment and that the best course of action is to let them have their own space. Do not push the issue and continue taking care of the discipline by yourself for a while.

• Plan time for your new spouse and your child to be alone together. Sometimes, children just need a chance to get to know the new stepparent on their own terms. If you make the process as casual as possible, your child may soon learn to accept the new relationship and all that it entails.

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